The Heart of Things
by lock-n-key
Summary: Gillian and Cal confront their changing friendship as Cal decides to take a bold risk.   Rated M for part 3 only.
1. Chapter 1

Gillian was sitting in her office, organizing some recent case files to add to their archive before deciding to call it a night. One them concerned an accused candidate in the upcoming senate election that they had just wrapped up that afternoon. The kind of case she loathed and would have liked to have been able to refuse based on her personal disgust with the airing of another person's dirty laundry. But somehow the group had been roped into it; not to mention the company desperately needed the pay out. Adding to frustrations, the case wasn't as open and shut as they had all anticipated, making Gillian regret the decision even further. More than a few nights in a row over the past week Gillian and Cal had stayed late going through contacts and interview video footage. In the end, it had all been a political smear campaign, but clearing the name of the wrongly accused man didn't offer as much satisfaction as it should have, and Gillian took a moment to reflect on things.

Their work of finding out what people were hiding- their motives and their secrets, made Gillian that much more conscious about the things she kept hidden herself. How she tried to convince herself that drawing boundaries and keeping her guard up made her somewhat less accessible to those around her, despite seeing suspects fall apart in front of her every day. Logically she knew it was only a false assurance, but at the same time she needed to believe in it; especially with Cal.

Lately their friendship had taken a turn and she knew he was well aware of it, too. To be perfectly honest, who wasn't? But neither of them wanted to take the first step. It wasn't that she didn't want to let him in. Quite the opposite, but something within her couldn't let her pride and her own sense of privacy slip away. The thought of being in the position where he could read every thought and emotion under that intense gaze of his gave her chills. But more than that, she was afraid that he wouldn't like what he found; her inner weakness.

She had seen Cal's and Zoe's marriage fall apart over the same issues. Reading people wasn't something that Cal could just turn off after a long day's work. While Gillian managed not reflect on everything she saw and genuinely tried to believe the best in those around her, his past had hardened him- made him unable to easily let even the smallest things go. Gillian wasn't sure if she could handle being that vulnerable or the possibility of being rejected because of it. After the divorce and losing Sophie, her friendship with Cal was the only thing that kept her world grounded. Their partnership and work gave her life meaning and fulfillment. No matter how much he had hurt her over the past months, not having the support she had now would be a much bigger blow if things didn't work out.

Lost in her train of thought, she barely registered the knock at the door.

"Gillian, love?" came a call from the other side.

She cleared her mind and got up from her desk. "Yes, Cal," she sang back.

The door swung open and Cal sauntered in.

"Since when have you taken up knocking?" Gillian smiled as she moved across the room.

"Haven't heard not one peep coming out of your room for the past hour and a half and I was startin' to get a little worried. Thought you might be sleepin' on the job. Don't start thinking I'll be making a habit out of it though," Cal replied as he closed the door behind him and walked over to the sofa.

"Thanks for your concern," she feigned.

He plopped down on it and stretched out. "So what's new?" he looked up and waggled his eyebrows at her.

"Besides you interrupting me?" she countered. "I was just taking care of some odds and ends around the office in preparation for next week."

Gillian focused on the boyish way his feet hung over the arm's edge. "Do you and Emily have any plans for the weekend?"

"Nah, Emily's at her mum's and left me fending for myself until Tuesday."

"Oh, then is there something you need?"

"No, no carry on, love. I just came for some company and to enjoy the view."

She shot him a look and turned her back to him as she made way back towards her desk.

"Well... There's just one thing. I was wonderin' if we could have a little session. You know, a bit like the old days and all that."

"It's been awhile." She paused.

"It has," came Cal's reply.

"Are you letting it get to you again?" She sighed and faced him, trying to read his face. "You've got to quit blaming yourself, Cal. You can't change the past." She took up the chair beside him and sat down.

"You know it's not as bloody easy as that, Foster," he returned. "But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about..."

Gillian looked over at him with concern. He noted how tired her eyes were, but even then how beautiful she was.

"Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking 'bout life. I'm not the kind of bloke that worries too much about putting myself out on the line."

Gillian nodded, thinking back to some of the dangerous situations he had put himself in, as well as her, and wondered what this was leading up to.

"But things are changing, Gil. Things that honestly scare the bloody hell out of me." Cal looked up at her, and continued on. "There's some risks I'm not sure about taking. Not worth the pain and regret it could cause. Not worth losing more than I already have." He shifted a little. "Been there, done that once already with the Pentagon. I don't want to make the same mistakes again."

"You've dedicated your life to this science, perfecting it so that what happened there doesn't happen again."

"No matter what I do, it will never be enough."

"Enough for what?"

_Enough for you, enough for Emily, enough to do right by mum,_he thought, but left her question unanswered.

"Seeing as you've stood by me through thick and thin, despite what a right arse I can be, I just wanted to know if you think I'm doin' the right thing."

"I'm not going to lie and say it doesn't upset me, or others, when you take chances. But I also know that no matter what you would never risk anything that went against your intuition. You have my complete trust, faith, and support. Nothing would ever change that."

He went over her words in his head for a moment before deciding to leave the subject alone.

"We all believe in what you're doing or we wouldn't be here," she added.

"Thanks, love. I know I can always count on that clear perspective of yours. The reason I hired you to be my partner, you know. Besides the aforementioned view." He grinned.

"The only reason, huh?" She let out a small laugh at his attempt to lighten the mood, but was still concerned that Cal would make this much effort to come to her for a only few simple words of encouragement.

"Is that all that's on your mind?"

"Yeah, feels good to get a load off. Better be getting off on my way then. G'night Foster, have a nice weekend, eh?"

She watched him pop up of the sofa, and step towards the door. Gillian stood up as well, knowing that he wouldn't be revealing anything else tonight.

As Cal reached out for the handle he hesitated, and then spun around facing her. He walked up to her, placing both hands on her shoulders. Not having any time to react, Gilian suddenly felt his lips upon hers, locked in a kiss that was neither too short nor too long, but filled with more passion than any of the friendlier kisses they'd exchanged in the past.

"What are you doing, Cal?" Gillian could hear her own voice falter, and she pulled away a little.

He studied her face. A mixture of surprise and fear, and yet for a microsecond, he was sure he saw a sad smile disappear as quickly as it began.

"I'm taking one of those risks," he answered, his breath low as they both stood there, his words hanging in the air.

Gillian tried to compose herself, tried to defend herself against the unguarded honestly and love that shown in his eyes.

"Cal..." she finally began, but not finding the right words, angled her gaze downwards.

Cal let his hands fall, but kept his eyes on her form. The silence in the office room was almost deafening and he mentally cursed himself. Her rejection was more than he could bare, but he held himself back, and refusing to add to the tension between them, did his best to brush it off.

"It's getting late, then. Let's get out of here, shall we?"

"Don't misunderstand..." Her heart broke at how bad she wanted this, but her mind kept reeling her back.

"You don't have to apologize for anything, Foster," he replied without letting her finish. "See you on Monday, eh?"

She nodded as he vanished from the room, leaving her standing there in the absence of his warmth that filled the air instead.


	2. Chapter 2

After Cal left, Gillian stood there for god only knew how long. Just staring off into space, his words fuzzy in her mind, almost like a dream.

_"Taking one of those risks."_

And then all of a sudden she just had to get out of there; to somewhere- anywhere. She hastily locked up and bolted to her car as fast as her high heels allowed. _What are you running from? Do you think if you run fast enough what transpired between you two won't catch up?_

She inserted her key, revved the engine, and just drove. Unconsciously she found herself driving towards her house and suddenly felt like she couldn't get there fast enough. "Damn all these red lights!" she yelled, jerking against her seatbelt and pounding a fist on the steering wheel. The guy in the car stopped beside hers turned to give her a funny look. "What the hell are you staring at?" she mouthed back. He probably thought she was crazy. _Maybe I am._ At this point she didn't even care.

She quickly pulled into the driveway, almost taking out a potted plant in the process. As she made her way to the door, her hands shook and her fingers jumbled with the keys. Finally they settled on the right one. Barely remembering to lock the door, she threw her belongings on the couch and beelined for the bathroom. Along the way she shed her clothes piece by piece and they left a trail along the hallway, as if each one represented a moment from tonight she thought might have been better left behind.

Gillian's hands gripped the shower faucet and she turned on the water. Her body gave a shiver at the coldness until the temperature rose, and then she felt the steam start to rise around her. The water washed over her still body, and she let out a half-choked sob. Tears fell one by one down her cheeks. They mixed with the water and pooled at her feet before swirling around the drain, like she was being cleansed of all emotion.

His voice echoed in her mind and she began to argue with herself mentally.

_But isn't this what you wanted? What you've been waiting for?_

_It is... I just wasn't expecting it now... wasn't expecting him…_

Eventually the water started to run cold. Gillian was no longer crying, but her body felt numb and empty. She reached out for the towel hanging above the commode, and dried her wet hair before wrapping it around her body. Her throat felt dry, and now more than anything she thought she could use a drink.

* * *

><p>Cal needed more than just a drink to make him forget about what had transpired.<p>

_How could I be such a bloody idiot? Why would a proper gal like Gillian ever let herself love a sodding bastard like me? All I'd be good for is pulling her down at every chance I got. Tarnishing everything she's worked so hard to build and maintain. You've done a right job mucking things up that not even forgiveness is in the cards for you this time, mate._

_Forgiveness._Cal thought back to all the times he'd hurt Gillian in the past. Always seemingly unintentional on the surface, but deep down, it really wasn't. His risks, the decisions he made without consulting her, his openness about the women that kept his company and that he slept with... Half of him wanted her more than anything, while the other half wanted to protect Gillian from what he was. One side reached out; the other pushed her away. And yet she had always remained loyal- her goodness too much to bear. It gave him hope, while making Cal hate himself that much more.

He could tell over the past few years the hurt was becoming a burden for her. She couldn't hide it as easily anymore and would occasionally flare up in anger at him. But it was in those moments he could see love in her eyes shine underneath the anger and the tone of her voice. He pushed her buttons to get a glimpse of it; took higher risks. The forgiveness came, but not as readily. She wasn't the only one hurting and up until now it had been a never ending merry-go-round to see who would break first. He had broken, and this time he worried there would be no one there to pick up the pieces.

And so Cal took one swig after another, until the world around him was a blur and he passed out on the sofa.

* * *

><p>Gillian nursed her drink and began trying to rationalize the situation. They weren't strangers to flirting or games of cat and mouse, but tonight had gone beyond that. They could both pretend like nothing had happened, but she knew in her heart that it wouldn't fool either of them. They'd start questioning each others motives. The tension between them would become so awkward that jokes could no longer slice through it. That it would poison the flower of their friendship and partnership until it slowly withered away.<p>

_So what are you going to do about it?_ she thought bitterly. _This is the crossroad you've been inching closer towards for the past eight years. A ride you couldn't have abandoned from even if you'd tried. A ride that began the day Cal Lightman made his grand entrance into your office for counseling, and slowly set off towards its final destination the moment you agreed to get close and become his business partner._

After Claire had died in her arms, Cal had come over often to offer comfort and help her deal with the grief. The days, weeks, and months wore on, and with time the throbbing pain of her loss grew less intense. She was more or less returning to her usual self, and Gillian had been sure that it was then that they were almost at that point. But Cal had surprised her, and their growing closeness had had little effect on their daily interaction and on his behavior. There was still time to buy.

_Or so you thought._ She sighed again.

_Cal's not going to openly acknowledge this again. Not after reaching out and being shot down. The ball is in your court. And knowing your friendship is never going to be the same either way, are you really prepared to throw everything away out of stubborn pride without a fight?_

As scared as Gillian was, she knew the answer in her heart.

The comfort of having come to terms with the evening, mixed with the alcohol and all the energy she had expelled, left her feeling spent. Drowsiness was starting to take over, and the yawn that escaped her mouth was proof. It was time to call it a night and deal with everything else tomorrow. She exchanged her towel for a silky chemise and shorts, and crawled under the covers into bed.

* * *

><p>The sun slowly made its way through Gillian's curtains. Her bedroom now basking in late morning sunlight, she rolled over to shield herself from its brightness and kept her eyes closed until her mind began to rouse from sleepiness. When her eyes opened, she took a good look around the room. She had slept so soundly it was like everything had been a dream.<p>

It didn't take long before last night came over her again, and she hastily rose. Picking out a decent outfit, she arranged her hair and make-up quickly, took a few minutes to brush her teeth, and gave herself a once over in the mirror before heading out the front door. Gillian needed to get this over with before her courage deserted her.

* * *

><p>Cal groaned, a splitting headache and a bad hangover the only things remaining from getting hammered the night before. He got up and sought out the nearest bottle of aspirin, chugging down more than the recommended dose with a glass of water. He grabbed a banana on his way back to the couch and slumped onto it as he peeled slowly, taking his time between bites. Cal tossed the peel on the table after he finished. Laying there another hour or so, he finally got up to inspect the damage.<p>

He splashed cold water on his face and leaned against the mirror as he inspected himself. _A right beauty I am._ He turned away in disgust. At least the aspirin had kicked in and the throbbing in his head had but almost disappeared. It was then he heard the doorbell.

"Bloody hell, who is it?" Cal called out, as he made his way over and answered the door.

"Gillian," he spoke her name as he supported himself against the door's frame.

"Cal," she returned. She could see the remnants of whatever he had put himself through on the coffee table behind him.

"Is this a bad time?" she asked. "I can come back later."

"It's never a bad time with you, darling." Cal invited her in with a gesture.

"Sorry about the mess. You wouldn't believe it, but a damn tornado ran amok all through the place and knocked me clear out with it."

Gillian eyed the coffee table again and a turned her attention to a bottle of whiskey laying on its side. "And would that tornado happen to go by the name of Macallan?"

He scratched his chin. "You know, love, that might just be the one. A right cheeky bastard, that one is."

She couldn't suppress flashing a smile at his humor.

"Well then, try to ignore the clutter and have a sit," Cal quipped.

Gillian took a seat and Cal sat down beside her. She brought her head towards his shoulder, letting her head come to rest upon it. Cal wrapped an arm around her and they stayed like that for the next few minutes. Neither one of them spoke.

Gillian eventually opened her mouth. "I want to apologize for last night."

"S'alright. Nothing to apologize for," he replied as he gave her a slight squeeze.

"No, it's not alright." The words came out flat. Gillian pushed herself out of his embrace and sat up to face him.

"Did you mean it?" Not exactly what she had planned on saying, but the words tumbled out.

"Do you want me to answer that honestly?" His gaze hardened and he gritted his teeth a little. He wasn't in the mood for dealing with the prospect of emotions running high and looked for a way out.

"You already know the answer."

"I need you to say it." She pursed her lips together. _You're not going to run this time._

"Christ, what is it you want to hear, Gillian? How I shouldn't have crossed that fucking line between us last night? That I know I don't deserve you? How I'm sick and tired of this game we're playing?" The tone of his voice rose with each question. He didn't know whether he was pissed off at Gillian, himself, or the situation. _Probably himself, _came the mental reply.

"It's not a game..." Her eyes pleaded with him.

"Oh really, it's not then? Well then what in the bloody hell do you call the last eight years, Gill?" he retorted.

"I'm scared, Cal."

"Well that's just bloody brilliant, Gillian." He couldn't stop himself.

She got up to leave. "You know, I shouldn't have come. When you've sorted yourself out and you're ready to have a grown up conversation about it, give me a call."

"Don't go." He grabbed her wrist and his expression softened. "Stay with me. _Please._"

"What is it that you want?" Gillian searched his face.

"I want you," came his reply. "_All_ of you. And it's driving me bonkers."

Gillian froze, not knowing what to do. His eyes begged and reeled her back to his side. His words had hit their mark, but she couldn't formulate a serious reply and she deflected instead. "So what have you been waiting for? If I recall correctly, it's been more than two years since I went back on the market."

"Two years, five months, and sixteen days."

"Do I even have to tell you how creepy that is?" she laughed.

"Is it, love?" he put up a mock expression. "Well you know, I did give it a go last night. If I remember correctly you rejected me, I went home, and drank myself into a stupor before I fell asleep on this here sofa."

"I didn't mean to reject you, Cal. You just... surprised me."

"Always did have that knack," the words were delivered with another eyebrow waggle.

Gillian repositioned herself a little and looked straight at him.

"There," he circled his finger around her temple. "There's something you're not telling me."

_It's now or never,_ Gillian thought.

"I love you..." she trailed off.

His breath hitched. "But..?"

"But... I don't want to throw away what we have now," she whispered. She averted her eyes so he couldn't get a complete read while he tried to recover himself.

"Don't worry about that, love. Look, I understand it perfectly. You're too good for me, Foster. You can't have me dragging you down."

Gillian lifted her head. "No, you did that a long time ago. I willingly accepted it," she admitted, her tone serious.

It was Cal's turn to be surprised. "So what is it then, love?" His reply was careful.

"It's not you, it's me." An over-simplified version, but there is was.

"Well that's a cliché if I ever heard one."

Gillian ignored him and continued. "I'm afraid of you seeing everything. That I can't give myself to you fully... I still need some space between us."

She gave a slight hesitation. "If we're going to do this, I need to know going in that it's going to last. That you're not going to wreck it. Because once we cross a certain point... I don't think I'll ever be the same."

Her confession left him speechless and he reached out to embrace her tightly. "Gill..." he breathed into her ear.

They sought comfort in each others touch and Gillian could hear Cal's heartbeat. Its quickness gradually slowed into an even pace. She let his smell wash over her and relaxed her body. At some point, Cal pushed them apart.

"I promise to do right by you, Gillian Foster."

The look he gave her made her want to have faith. "Where do we go from here?"

"Anywhere, as long as you'll have me."

"Then are you all in?"

"All in, darling."

"Good." A pause. "So does this whole thing... Does it include romance and flowers?" She raised one eyebrow at him.

"What you want flowers, love?" He returned her eyebrow.

"And romance." A wink.

"The trashy romance novel kind?" he made a fake grimace.

"I can't think of a better kind, can you?"

"Are you feeling a little hungry? I could really go for some beans on toast right about now..." Cal tried to change the subject.

"I'll take that as a yes, but no to the beans on toast."

"Curry, then?"

"Great. Do you need any help?"

"A man can always use something beautiful to look at while he works."

Gillian gave him a light punch on the shoulder.

"So right, then... curry it is."

Cal stood up and walked to the kitchen, and Gillian followed in his footsteps.


	3. Chapter 3

"Curry's up," Cal said as he put two plates down on the table.

"This looks delicious," remarked Gillian. "I could get used to having a man around the kitchen."

"And what do I get in return?"

"Hmm... You'll have to wait and see," she joked and took a bite.

"I'll be looking forward to it," he replied in a low voice as he gave her a once over. He didn't miss the color rising on Gillian's cheeks. But instead of taking the opportunity to fluster her further, Cal picked up his spoon and joined her.

"This is wonderful, Cal!"

"I'm glad you like it, love." He studied the expressions she made as she ate. The way her eyebrows always perked up at the first couple of bites she took when she was really savoring the taste of something she enjoyed. He could also see a hint of relief in her general manner, although he knew there were things she'd left unsaid.

"How are we going to do this?" Gillian questioned, as if she could read his mind.

"Do what?" Cal snapped out of his trance.

"This is going to be a big change for the two of us... and Emily."

"I wouldn't worry about Emily, love. She's a big girl. In fact, she's probably been anticipating this... us," he motioned with his hand.

"Oh?" Gillian sounded as if she was shocked, but her body language told him otherwise.

"She asked me some time ago whether I loved you, and I couldn't lie to her. She kept pestering me to tell you sooner." He spoke about it casually.

Gillian was a little taken aback. _Real surprise_, he thought. "So why didn't you?"

"In your state after Claire had just passed away... I didn't think it was a good time."

Gillian raised an eyebrow as she lead him on. "That may have factored into it, but that wasn't the only reason was it..?"

Cal pretended to ignore her, but he didn't have to elaborate; she already knew.

"Listen." Gillian began again. "We should probably take it slow. I don't want everyone to know just yet. I mean, besides Emily."

Cal listened, but said nothing.

"At work I think we should still keep the line so nobody gets suspicious. We're not in the red like before, but I want everyone focused on our incoming cases instead of on what's happening between us."

He knew that Gillian was more worried about setting preliminary boundaries for her own sake than for business's sake, but he agreed that any gossip about them would only get in the way and nodded in agreement. "So no playing handsies while on the job, then?"

Cal didn't need hear her response judging by the look she shot him. "Alright love, we play by your rules."

"Thank you." She walked over to him and planted a kiss on his forehead. And as she did so, Cal grabbed Gillian by the waist and bought her to him. They looked into each others eyes and he brought his lips to hers. This time Gillian met his lips with equal emotion.

Cal almost didn't want to admit how happy he was in that moment. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this way and it made him uneasy. Like the instant he put words to his state of contentment, everything would slip through his fingers like sand.

Gillian could feel his body tense. "I won't break, Cal..." she said in a breathy whisper before lowering her lips to his again. For both of them, the world stood still and she lost count of how many kisses they shared between them.

But the warmth between their bodies was getting to be too much for her this soon, and she pulled back. "Let me help you with these," said Gillian, as she stood up a little awkwardly. She focused on tidying up the remains of their meal, while Cal recovered from his daze and observed her movements with interest.

When finished, she went back to his side and went in for another peck. "I should really get going. Thanks so much for lunch, Cal. Call me later, OK?"

"Not at all, love. The pleasure was all mine," he returned, and got up to walk her to the door. He knew this was going to take some time for the both of them to get used to.

* * *

><p>Cal would be the first to admit he wasn't much of a wine and dine kind of guy. Generally speaking he held little faith in the standard dating conventions set by society. There was something extraordinary with Gillian, though. He wanted to earn her love, convince her of it, and keep his promise... He couldn't pinpoint whether it was caused by the pangs of hope that had built up in his heart since that day they'd both confronted their feelings, or whether it was simply Gillian's own love of romance and his desire to please her that motivated him to try harder.<p>

Gillian began coming over to Cal's for dinner with him and Emily more than a few nights a week. Although she had been a part of their lives for as long as she could remember, she now felt like she was a part of a family- their family. This filled her being a kind of warmth and sense of belonging she had missed since Sophie had disappeared from her life and her marriage with Alec had gone downhill.

Emily had been overjoyed and excited to hear the news, and of course willing to play along. She had always taken to Gillian, but Cal was glad to see how fast and strong their bond was forming. He believed it did Emily a world of good to have a female figure there during the times she wasn't with Zoe. Very soon Emily would be off on her own without Cal there to protect her, but as the time drew nearer he was finding himself able to let go with less of a struggle than before. He knew this was partly Gillian's doing; she always knew how to find middle ground between them and offer up reassurance. She was far better with words than he was and offered Emily a balance between a mother's love and friendship, without coming across as trying to replace Zoe.

During the times they wanted more privacy, Cal would drive over to Gillian's where they would talk or exchange touches and kisses over movies, takeout, wine, dessert, or a combination of either. He didn't particularly find pleasure in the romance comedies Gillian adored, but he learned not to be as vocally critical. Rather than focus on the trite plots and dialogue he turned his attention to the rainbow of expressions that appeared on her face as they watched. Her laughter was infectious and nothing could outshine the sparkle in her eyes. In return, though Gillian noticed how he read her, but she was learning it was okay to carefully let her her guard down and let him in. She secretly liked being the focus of his attention and how special he made her feel. Still, they had yet to consummate their relationship fully.

It went without saying that Cal had no reservations when it came to sex, although Gillian wasn't exactly a prude in the bedroom herself. Only this time for her things were different. Cal was different. She couldn't overcome her second thoughts about giving in to him completely. She felt grateful that he never pushed too hard and appeared to be letting her set the pace; it was definitely a role reversal. As for Cal, there were times when his impatience almost killed him, but not being able to have her immediately only made her that much more desirable.

Things ran as usual at the Lightman Group. Sometimes Cal would go off on his own and Gillian would be left cleaning up the mess he left in his wake. There was no lack of back and forth banter between the two, but at the end of the day they were always able to kiss and make-up after everyone else had gone home. For this to work, they needed to continue and accept the way they were and the roles they defined. Their new found closeness added another level to their existing friendship rather than a complete change.

In this respect, besides Torres, Loker, and a few other employees picking up on the spark that surrounded their recent interactions and Gillian's person in general, nothing was amiss. Cal got into everyone's face as usual, and his demeanor remained almost unchanged.

When finally cornered by Torres and asked, Gillian admitted to having a new man in her life, but left it at that. Torres and Loker could find no indication of lying and besides a few comments to themselves, left the subject alone.

* * *

><p>A little over a month out, Cal and Gillian were cleaning up after a nice dinner at Gillian's place. Having cleared the table, Cal went to relax in the den while Gillian rinsed off the dishes and loaded the dishwasher to run later. She dried her hands when finished, and walked over to where he sat. There was nothing particularly notable about what they had eaten or talked about, but Gillian felt like the moment was right. She straddled his lap, and took his lips with hers. "I'm ready," she almost purred. Cal's ears perked up and he met her words with a low growl. Further talk was deemed unnecessary as he supported her like that to her bedroom, their kisses growing more needy along the way. Cal had managed to remove most of Gillian's clothing within seconds upon reaching their destination and gently pushed her onto the bed.<p>

"Bloody hell, Gillian," Cal breathed in as he took in her nude figure before him for the first time. He had never felt such a mixture of love and lust quite like what stirred within him now.

"Are you going to just sit there and stare?" Gillian playfully chided, before stretching herself into an inviting position. A blush rose to her cheeks, and Cal had never been so mesmerized.

"Don't worry, love. I don't need to be asked twice," he replied back, his breath heavy.

Gillian's soft moans filled his ears like sweet honey as he kissed and caressed her, taking the time to explore every inch fully. The way her eyelashes fluttered for him drove him mad.

She was fully aware of how her body rose and crumbled under his pleasures. _There would be no line tonight_, she thought. Through half-lidded eyes she observed how Cal was taking in her reaction. She no longer had to worry, she smiled to herself. From this point on he she knew he'd take control in his ability to read her body's secrets, but in return she'd have control over the effect they induced on him and his heart. _A fair enough trade in love, all things considered_, she mused. She brought herself up and gently pushed him down before taking the position on top.

"Gillian..." was the only thing that escaped his lips.

"Mmm... It's not fair I'm the only one without clothes on. Let's remedy that," was her sultry reply.

Gillian took her time with each button and let her fingers trace his exposed skin. Cal's hardness was swelling beneath her, but she didn't hasten her movements.

Removing his shirt, she applied kisses from his navel and traveled upwards to below his neck. Her fingers traced a nipple while she brought her other hand downwards and cupped his bulge. Cal bucked slightly at her touch and let out a groan. She looked straight at him and displayed the most beautiful smile he'd ever witnessed.

"I never took you for such a little minx," Cal panted.

"There are a lot of sides of me you've never seen."

"I'm eager to learn," he raised her.

"Good. I hope you're taking notes." Another smile crept over her face to compliment the playfulness in her eyes.

She turned her attention downwards and undid his jeans. She used one hand to push down each pant leg, while running the other up the base of his length. She released him from the confines of his briefs and dipped her head in order to take him inside her mouth.

"Christ!" was all Cal could manage. His hand involuntarily circled around her head and his fingers entwined with strands of her hair in pleasure as Gillian continued to perform on him.

As she continued, Cal's hands tried to make their way down to touch her in any way he could, and Gillian felt him getting closer to the edge. She gave one last suckle and kissed the tip before bringing her head up to face him.

Cal couldn't wait any longer. He flipped her over onto her back and positioned himself at her opening. He gave one last look at Gillian for approval, and she gave her consent by raising her hips to embrace him. Their rhythm began slowly, but the growing heat between them soon fueled them faster. Cal's hands brushed her breasts and traveled over the rest of her body, sending tremors of sensation all over her. She clung to him, enraptured; her cries prompted him on. His member throbbed for release, and with one last push he pulled out letting his stickiness spill between them. They collapsed together, out of breath. Their bodies glistened under the moonlight that filtrated through her window, and Cal pulled her close as they tried to both hold on to the dispersing magic of what had just passed between them. He reached over to clean her off first, then himself.

"I would have never taken you for a snuggler," Gillian giggled.

"Funny, I would have never taken you for..." he stopped short. Cal didn't need to finish. He took in the surreality of the moment, the smell of her hair.

After staying that way sometime, Gillian addressed the last comment he'd made. "You still haven't seen everything yet," she teased. She broke their embrace and stood up to leave towards the bathroom. She could feel his eyes following her footsteps, and she turned again to peek her head around the door at him for a second before disappearing again.

"Game's on, love," he called out. The sound of water filling the tub was the only response that came, but he was certain Gillian had heard him and Cal imagined her smiling in the same way as she had before.


	4. Chapter 4

The first intimate night they shared became a milestone for both their friendship and relationship. Since then it had proved difficult for Cal to keep himself and the line in check at the office. According to him, her being off-limits had deterred the impulses stirring within him, but now that he'd had her once completely, there was nothing to stop him from acting on them.

Gillian mused over the way he sometimes couldn't resist stealing kisses or touches when they were alone in the office- or at least when it seemed like they were alone. One time they were almost found out by Anna, who had rushed in to deliver an urgent message just as Cal was about to lean in for a peck. They'd played it off coolly enough. Gillian gushed and about something that had gotten into her eye and that Cal was leaning over her trying to see what it was. She'd even asked Anna for a second opinion.

During their transition from friends to lovers, she hadn't been sure what to expect. After the initial first time hump, it had turned into the two of them acting out on their needs; the product of being closer to each other than anybody else, and the resulting emotions they could only communicate physically. Gillian hadn't been eager to fall into the same confinements of marriage that had left her weary during her years with Alec, and she knew that at least on the surface, it wasn't something Cal was ready or even considering.

Lately she'd given things more thought. So many emotional hardships had left her feeling like a wanderer. She couldn't even begin to piece together what she was looking for or wanted in a partner. But as the months passed with Cal, she began to feel as if she was finally getting back on track. That maybe there was a possibility for her to have everything she had dreamed of when she'd married Alec. Not that you could call the kind of situations she and Cal put themselves in "ideal", but it worked. It made more sense than anything else. The romanticist in her started to yearn for the stability and hope marriage offered. Her mind reasoned that it was selfish to expect Cal to share her views, especially knowing who he was going in. However the idea had planted itself inside her heart, and she found it hard to feel satisfied with just being intimate. Gillian struggled to hide her feelings lest she lose what she already had, but the slight change in her demeanor didn't go unnoticed by Cal, and she knew that he had picked up that something was going on. That he was probably carefully choosing when and how to approach the subject.

Finally the moment came as they were laying beside each other in bed one night. Cal turned his head towards her and caught her gaze.

"Is everything OK, love?"

"I'm fine... For some reason work's been wearing me down more than usual."

"You know that's not what I meant."

Gillian bit her lip and tried to concentrate on what to say next. "I don't know, Cal. This is the happiest I've ever been in my life. I don't regret a single thing that brought us here, but..."

"But..." Cal continued for her.

"I'm not sure I know where we stand. I've practically moved in here since Emily started college..."

"The last thing I'd want to do is force you into anything you didn't want if the feeling isn't mutual."

"No, that's not it. I just... I'm not sure if I want to keep things a secret any longer."

"So we don't, yeah? We can tell everyone tomorrow at work. It'll take some of the pressure off. I'll finally get more action around the office," he said with a grin.

"I'm ready to make a commitment."

"I thought we already had."

Gillian couldn't find the right words, so she let two of her fingers curl into a circle around his ring finger.

The grin was wiped off his face and his eyes bore into hers. "You don't mean that, love, do you?"

She averted her eyes to hide the visible hurt reflected in them.

"Shit, Gill..." he mumbled, and wrapped his arms around her. "I didn't mean it like that. You know I'm mad about you, darling. Just things didn't work out so well for me the first time around."

"Like they did for me, either," she attempted to laugh, but he noted a touch of bitterness in it.

"You also know it's not easy for me to come out saying something like 'I love you always and forever.' I never was a white knight in shining armor."

She took a deep breath and let out, "I know."

"Are you really sure this is what you want?" he asked, almost pleadingly. Gillian silently nodded.

"Alright, love. I can't make any promises, but give me a little time."

"Thank you," she whispered.

* * *

><p>Cal thought back to their talk. If he recalled correctly, it'd been about mid-October. Now fall had already shifted into winter and the yearly tide of Christmas spirit filtered its way into the city. <em>Earlier than ever thanks to the wonders of commercial marketing<em>, he muttered to himself. Christmas was a time Gillian and Emily took great joy in, and their unjaded outlook on things never failed to touch him more than the meaning of the season itself.

During the month and a half from then to where he stood presently, he'd spent a lot of time trying to reason with himself, convince himself, that things with Gillian were different and wouldn't turn out the way they had with Zoe. But no matter how much he went over it in his mind, he couldn't be without a doubt sure if it was the right move. Cal didn't like the idea of taking a risk he didn't know the odds for, and it bothered him considerably. Still, this is what Gillian wanted. And deep down, the idea of coming home to her everyday and living a "normal life" was strangely appealing. He realized that he would just have to trust her in the same way she had trusted him all these years.

Cal walked into her office and Gillian greeted him with a smile. "Yes, Cal?" she asked. He noted again how good of a liar she could be despite appearances. She put on the act with skill and perfection. And just like that, today's performance began.

"I was wondering, would you mind stopping over at my place after work? I have an early Christmas present for you."

"Can't it wait until the company Secret Santa exchange?"

"I'm not sure if it's a work appropriate gift."

"Oh..?" she raised one eyebrow. "Well, are you cooking? I've got a backlog of files that need to be keyed into the database."

"I think I can manage dinner, yeah. How's 8 o'clock?"

"Sounds great. By the way, we're expecting the clients from the new Roberts case in the Cube within the next 30 minutes. I'll finish up this morning's paperwork and meet you there."

"I'll just go and pick on Loker until then," he smirked.

"Cal!" she scolded.

"What?" he replied cheekily, and took his leave.

* * *

><p>Gillian closed down the building for the night and walked over to where her car was parked. She could hear police sirens in the distance, but it was otherwise a quiet night. The sound her heels made with each step reverberated in the air. She shivered at the sudden coldness and tugged her scarf up higher around her neck.<p>

Letting her brain go on autopilot, without much effort she navigated the car towards Cal's house. She pulled up to the side of the curb and cut the engine. As Gillian made her way up the walk way she let out a tired sigh, released in a puff of white air. Her hand reached for the doorbell and she gave a it a single push. The familiar chime answered back, and she fidgeted for the next few seconds until Cal opened the door for her. Even though Cal had given her a key to his place, she didn't feel like it was her place to enter without his knowledge unless it was an emergency.

Cal swung the door open for her, clad in his usual cooking apron. The sight never failed to amuse Gillian, although she was sure she'd never live it down if she were to share the tidbit with anyone else.

"You gonna come in or catch your cold out there?" he beckoned her with a spatula.

Warmth radiated outwards from within, and she stepped inside. She hung up her jacket and scarf, laying her purse at the entryway before folding her mittens neatly and depositing them on top of it.

Cal returned to the kitchen and soon called after her that dinner was ready. He was already seated at the table when she walked in, and the smell of sea bass with lemoned potatoes plated with a side of asparagus greeted her entrance. Gillian took a seat, and Cal proceeded to fill both of their glasses with wine.

"So what's the special occasion?" Gillian asked him.

"Today would be the day of our six month anniversary, love," he toasted her. Their glasses clinked and they each took a sip.

"Mmm... How sweet of you. This all looks great; I can't wait to dig in."

Their dinner table discussion included a debate on Freud, Gillian's top team picks for this year's basketball season, and Cal practically begging her to let him buy tickets for them to go see a new burlesque show coming to town. Gillian dabbed the corners of her mouth with a napkin and let her hands fall into her lap to signal that she was finished.

"That was absolutely delightful, thank you."

Cal rose out of his chair, and Gillian could see a flash of nervousness on his face. He stepped over to her side and took her hands in his.

"Gillian..." he began. "I may not be the best chap you could have chosen for a friend, partner, or lover. But from the second you entered my life I knew it was something profound, and now I can't imagine how I could go on without you somehow in my life."

Cal reached a hand in his jeans pocket, his fingers fumbling across the top of a small, black velvet box. "Gillian Foster... Bloody hell, wait." She couldn't hide a smile at his aloofness.

He got down on one knee and Gillian stared at the sight with curiosity. _No, he couldn't be._

"Gillian Foster, will you marry me?" his eyes locked with hers, and she could see the vast range of emotions reflected in them.

"Cal," she gasped, and she felt tears starting to form in her eyes.

"I hope that's a yes, then?"

She found her voice again and answered back, "It is... Yes."

He kissed the ring and placed it on her finger. He stood back up, and pulled her up to his level, whisking her off her feet into his arms.

"Cal, what are you doing?" Gillian laughed.

His voice lowered and he replied, "You haven't seen the other surprise yet." She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his neck as he carried her off upstairs into the bedroom.

* * *

><p>Cal woke up to Gillian's sleeping profile beside him. Her beauty was mesmerizing, and he ached to touch her. He held out his hand, knowing full well that it would probably rouse her and that the moment would be lost the minute his hand made contact with her cheek. He hesitated, and instead took a strand of her hair and ran it between his fingertips. She shifted ever so slightly, but her breathing remained constant.<p>

"I love you, Gillian. Always and forever," he whispered, turning his head towards the window to catch a glimpse of the sunrise.

In doing so, he missed the faint smile that spread across her face.

* * *

><p>"Good morning!"<p>

Gillian's vibrant air filled the office on Monday morning and it wasn't long before someone took notice of the new ring adorning her finger.

"Oh, Ms. Foster! Congratulations!" chirped Anna as she passed her the morning's memos.

Loker and Torres stopped mid-conversation to see what the commotion was all about.

"Woah, is that what I think it is? Congrats!" Loker greeted her with enthusiasm and Ria smiled at her, offering Gillian her felicitations.

"So when do we get to meet the lucky guy?" she asked.

"He'll be at the Secret Santa next week," Gillian replied.

"Can't wait! Aren't you worried about how Lightman's going to react?" she questioned.

"He already knows about the engagement, so I don't forsee it being an issue." Ria noted the smirk that accompanied the remark and felt a hint of confusion as to why.

"If you say so," Loker commented dryly. "Speaking of which, we both need to get on that video footage he wanted us to analyze."

"Let us know if you need any decorating help later," Ria offered. She followed Loker down the hall to the video room and Gillian couldn't help but let out a giggle at the surprise that was in store for everyone.

* * *

><p>Naturally news traveled fast about Gillian's engagement, and the buzz was still alive a week later on the night of the Secret Santa exchange and party. Cal had ducked out of work early in order to pick Emily up from the airport. She would be spending a week of her winter break with them before flying out to Chicago to spend the rest of it with Zoe.<p>

It wasn't long before the gossip reached her upon her arrival and she ushered Cal aside. "Why didn't you _tell_ me?" she hissed at him at a low voice. "What a surprise to come home to, Dad!"

"Well I... we were gonna tell you, but we thought it'd be better if you heard it yourself in person rather than over the phone."

"I can't believe you!" she gave him a small punch on the shoulder.

"Oi, ouch!" he feigned in mock innocence. "What did you want me to say, love? Yeah, things are great. By the way I put a ring on it," Cal smarted back.

"I hope Santa leaves a huge lump of coal in your stocking for this," she huffed, and strode over to serve herself some punch.

Cal took the opportunity to saunter over to Gillian's side. "Uh oh, what did you do now? I don't want to be involved."

"My daughter is a little riled up we didn't tell her about the engagement first. You're just as guilty in all of this as I am, you know."

"Is that so, huh? If I remember correctly you were the one who popped the question."

"That's funny, love. The way I remember it this was all your idea."

Emily interrupted their exchange and presented each of them a cup of punch. "You know you can both quit talking about me now. By the way...," she looked at each of them. "Dad, Gillian- Congrats!"

"I think now would be the best time to let everyone else in on who my mysterious suitor is," Gillian proposed.

"Okay, love; here goes." Cal took the microphone off the table nearby and put raised it to his lips.

"Testing, testing," he spoke into it. Everyone paused and turned their attention to the trio. "Jolly well everyone could join us, then," he started off. "As I'm sure you've all heard, the lovely Dr. Foster is now engaged." He paused, and the reiteration of the news was met with applause and raised glasses. "I know the lot of you are probably wondering who the lucky bastard is, so go on Foster, you do the honors." Cal put one arm around her waist, and passed her the microphone with the other.

Gillian cleared her throat. "Yes, well first I'd like to thank you for all your support not only this year, but in those of the past, as well as those to come in the future. The Lightman Group has come a long way since its humble beginnings, and there's no way it could have grown into the place it's become now without all your hard work and effort. There might be changes around the office in store ahead, but we hope that we can continue to rely on all of you regardless. I know I say this every year, but you all have our sincerest gratitude."

Cal leaned into the microphone, "Well, get on with it love. Don't stall now." Everyone gave a small chuckle at her expense and she felt a blush rising to her cheeks.

"So without further ado, I'd like to introduce my fiancé..." She stopped mid-sentence and stole a glance at Cal before continuing, "Dr. Lightman," she said with a wave of her hand.

Jaws dropped and Loker and Torres couldn't hide their shock as outbursts and gasps of surprise broke out all around them. As if to stamp out any idea that it might be a joke, the Gillian smiled at him lovingly and Cal took it as a cue to dip in for a gentle kiss.

Finally Loker burst out with, "Well damn if I'll be first to say it's about time! Let's all give a round of cheers!"

"Cheers!" The response resounded throughout the room and suddenly it was on fire with discussion about what had just taken place.

"We should probably start the Secret Santa soon before this it gets too out of hand," Gillian commented.

"Yeah about that, love... Somehow I just happened to draw your name. Purely coincidental, I assure you. It's less work appropriate than last week's gift, so you may not want to open it in front of everyone if you catch my drift," he advised with a waggle and a wink.

"Cal, really!" she exclaimed and slapped him hard on the shoulder.

"Oi, what am I- a human punching bag tonight?"

Gillian sighed. "Why do I get the feeling this is going to be a long night," she groaned.

He was clearly amused. "C'mon now, love. If you think this is long, wait and see what happens now that you're stuck with me for the next 50 years."


End file.
